The holiday season is completely different this year, so not what I had planned and the shock of being alone is so raw.
You know, when you think you've settled down for good you don't expect to do the holidays on your own again. Thanksgiving has come and gone and while I did have a good time catching up with family and friends, it was still so quiet. No big family dinner with the in-laws I so dearly miss and no one there for the drive there and back. I especially do not like the drive from Lawrence to Wichita; I don't really enjoy driving anyway and got entirely too comfortable with XH taking the wheel on long drives and taking care of everything the car needs like filling up on gas, cleaning the windshield, oil changes, topping off the fluids and checking the tires when we traveled, anything and everything--he was all over it. It sucks.
Also, the last 3 years I have worked at Starbucks. The hoiday season (as stressful as it was) was so much fun, and I'm missing it this year. I do really enjoy my new job, and soon I will have been here for 6 months, new people will start and I won't be the new kid anymore. I'm learning a lot and there are exciting changes right around the corner, but I can't help but miss all things familiar right now.
I even find myself missing the crappy apartment we lived in. The colder it gets the more I remember keeping warm with him in that teeny tiny terrible apartment that was so wonderful. The frosty weather I encountered this morning also made my heart ache remembering how XH would warm up the car for me while I got ready for work in the morning and would scrape all the ice off the windshield. Also, I'm sick--so pardon me for being a Negative Nancy today.
I don't know if XH was able to go home for thanksgiving or not, I really had to stop myself from calling him and offering to let him ride with me to Wichita. Not that he would agree to that or that it would go smoothly, but it just breaks my heart that he is doing this to himself. I know he asked for it and everything that comes with his decision are his own consequences, but I'm not comforted in any way by his suffering. I still care so much for him.
This year I bought a little christmas tree, XH and I never had one. We were married right before Christmas in 2010 and when we arrived in our new apartment on Christmas Eve, we had wedding gifts to unwrap and everything still needed to be unpacked, so there just wasn't any room for one. But I didn't care, those times were so tremendously happy. Last year, we really couldn't afford one, XH didn't really care about having one, and the place was so small it really would have been too cumbersome. This would have been the year we'd have one together.
There are far too many "would have beens" filling up my mind these days. We had so many plans. I repeat Jeremiah 29:11 to myself over and over and over again to keep the tears at bay. It says For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. That right there is the only thing keeping me from curling up in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. My God is so much bigger than all the things weighing on my heart, all the worries I have for the future, and all the pain that just keeps ripping into me.
I know that I have so many things to be thankful for in my life, if I focus on these things it helps to balance out the darkness. Phillipians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
In the midst of this dark time in my life I have to think about the blessings and truth in my life. I am blessed with good health, reliable transportation, a stable job, education, a wonderful home that shelters me from the bitter cold, awesome people in my life who bless me all the time by being so supportive and positive. The truth that by God's grace I don't have to worry about anything, he covers it all and provides for me continually. The truth that He wants to carry each burden for me, all I have to do is give them up to Him. I can't deny that I'm sad, but I'm okay and above all, I'm blessed to be a daughter of the Savior.
:)
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
time.
The end of this crazy fall semester is in exactly 4 weeks. Thanksgiving is in one week with Christmas not far behind. Once I finish finals it will be time to close down one of the branches I work at and relocate it to the old bank across the street from my new place. (Can you say "walk to work" ? and "extra half hour of sleep" ? and 'WAY less gas" ?) yeah, that will be awesome. Plus, I have ample opportunity for overtime during Christmas Break, and with new people being hired on to support the new full service location:
1. I will no longer be the new kid. and 2. I'm needed a little sooner than expected to be trained up to everything my job title includes. Which in turn means more $$$ in the nearer future.
Oh yeah, my new place. I've been here for 2 weeks now, and in a few days I'll have a little companion. a ragdoll kitten who I think I'll name Lola.
Pretty cute, huh? I'm excited.
Living alone is definitely an adjustment. I've never done it before and I know my close friends are worried about me being by myself, but thankfully it is a pretty awesome place and it is great for entertaining, so I've been having people over, which is a ton of fun. I'm really enjoying the luxuries of this new place...
Washer/Dryer in home!
Dishwasher!
Fireplace!
Extra Bedroom!
HUGE Bathroom!
Lots of storage space!
It is a sanctuary, it's just mine. I can be totally comfortable in it and proud of it.
I'm so thankful for it.
It is huge for one person though, and it feels pretty empty sometimes even though I have a decent amount of furniture. I almost always have music on when I'm home because the silence is a little deafening. But I'm learning to find the beauty in it, and I think my new little furry friend will help to take the edge off of coming home alone.
Alone. I don't like that word. I know I'm not ever really alone, because of God and all...but being alone, sleeping alone, waking up alone, cooking and eating alone, cleaning alone, homework, relaxing, watching movies........all of that and more are included in "living"...alone.
I'm not a loner, I've always been a social person, I like to have some quiet time each day, I enjoy being still and having time alone with God, and reading the scripture in peace. But MOST of the time, I enjoy other people's company. I like to joke around and have good conversation and just be around other people.
I miss the company of my husband. I wish I didn't, I wish we hadn't had so many great times. It's so hard to be thankful for the life we made together and just move on from it. It would be easier in some ways if he'd been a terrible husband, if he'd been boring or mean, or cold to me throughout our marriage...but he wasn't.
He was great, I was totally head over heels for him, and he gave me plenty of reason to be, and while it was tough, and money was tight, and we argued about dumb things sometimes, it was still so. good.
I have a really hard time sleeping without him,. I wake up in the night often, every time expecting him to be there. It hurts to realize over and over that he'll never be there again. I miss his warmth, I totally suck at regulating my temperature at night and many times that is all it takes to wake me up in the middle of the night, being freezing cold. I do what I can to bundle up in sweats, socks, extra blankets and using a space heater, but it just doesn't compare to the heat he gave off. The heat I was so welcome to, we cuddled so much. I miss that more than I can say.
Today at work a man came to my counter for a simple transaction, I'd never helped him before and I couldn't tell you his name now, but I remember his smell. He smelled so exactly like XH without any cologne or deodorant...just like XH. and I swear I just froze, my stomach turned over and I went white as a sheet. Something about his smell just hit me stronger than any other reminder of him to this point. It's been almost 3 months since I smelled that smell, and it just...hurt.
I want to move on so badly, almost as much as I wish this was all a dream. Either way, I just want this pain to go away, I want to stop thinking about it, being asked about him, seeing his stupid last name at the end of mine on everything, and to just erase him from my life. I want to take it all back so there's nothing to miss. I want to be okay. I don't want people to walk on eggshells around me because I'm sad. I want to be able to focus on my school and my job and be excited about my career. To have space in my head for dreaming again. I want to be done with all the legal stuff and for his poor handling of money not to be my problem anymore. I want to stop caring about him and focus on the amazing people in my life who love me so much, to be able to pray for them and lift them up without them feeling like I'm the one who needs more attention, prayer, support..or whatever they need. The mess I'm in is so distracting.
I will try to update this thing more often, it's good to get these thoughts out without dumping on a friend. I'm a pretty open person, but I sure don't want to be a burden/annoyance/bummer. It just gets hard to look at the bright side after a while, hard to see the blessings in the midst of all the pain and confusion. Posting something I'm thankful for on Facebook every day is a good nudge to really make myself appreciate the people and things in my life that I'm so blessed with. I've been in the word consistently, which is so good for my heart. Some days I'm not sure what to read or what to pray so I'm just still before the Lord. Comforted that he knows what's on my heart, and I don't have to have the words. Comforted that it's okay to cry and let myself feel what I'm going through in order to really get through it.
I've been comforted most by these scriptures.
“We who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
-Hebrews 6:18-19
"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."
-Proverbs 31:25
"18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:18-39
"6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.........8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
-Deuteronomy 31:6 & 8
I meditate on these truths most often and am so comforted.
I didn't start out writing on here with any intention of another person ever reading it, but if sharing my hurt and what's been encouraging to me through it could help or show God's grace to someone else, then I think that's great :) I know both of these posts are super duper long, ramble-y and personal, and I don't really expect people to read them all or say anything.
Also, it takes forever to tell people individually what happened, and it gets pretty tiresome and depressing to me going over and over it, so maybe this platform is more efficient if my friends I don't see as much want to know what's up with my life and on my heart as of late.
I don't know... I'm okay with sharing these things because it's real. it's honest and it's what this frail life is like...messy, difficult, long and tiresome, but beautiful, and God's grace and love are so powerful through it all.
-Hannah
1. I will no longer be the new kid. and 2. I'm needed a little sooner than expected to be trained up to everything my job title includes. Which in turn means more $$$ in the nearer future.
Oh yeah, my new place. I've been here for 2 weeks now, and in a few days I'll have a little companion. a ragdoll kitten who I think I'll name Lola.
Living alone is definitely an adjustment. I've never done it before and I know my close friends are worried about me being by myself, but thankfully it is a pretty awesome place and it is great for entertaining, so I've been having people over, which is a ton of fun. I'm really enjoying the luxuries of this new place...
Washer/Dryer in home!
Dishwasher!
Fireplace!
Extra Bedroom!
HUGE Bathroom!
Lots of storage space!
It is a sanctuary, it's just mine. I can be totally comfortable in it and proud of it.
I'm so thankful for it.
It is huge for one person though, and it feels pretty empty sometimes even though I have a decent amount of furniture. I almost always have music on when I'm home because the silence is a little deafening. But I'm learning to find the beauty in it, and I think my new little furry friend will help to take the edge off of coming home alone.
Alone. I don't like that word. I know I'm not ever really alone, because of God and all...but being alone, sleeping alone, waking up alone, cooking and eating alone, cleaning alone, homework, relaxing, watching movies........all of that and more are included in "living"...alone.
I'm not a loner, I've always been a social person, I like to have some quiet time each day, I enjoy being still and having time alone with God, and reading the scripture in peace. But MOST of the time, I enjoy other people's company. I like to joke around and have good conversation and just be around other people.
I miss the company of my husband. I wish I didn't, I wish we hadn't had so many great times. It's so hard to be thankful for the life we made together and just move on from it. It would be easier in some ways if he'd been a terrible husband, if he'd been boring or mean, or cold to me throughout our marriage...but he wasn't.
He was great, I was totally head over heels for him, and he gave me plenty of reason to be, and while it was tough, and money was tight, and we argued about dumb things sometimes, it was still so. good.
I have a really hard time sleeping without him,. I wake up in the night often, every time expecting him to be there. It hurts to realize over and over that he'll never be there again. I miss his warmth, I totally suck at regulating my temperature at night and many times that is all it takes to wake me up in the middle of the night, being freezing cold. I do what I can to bundle up in sweats, socks, extra blankets and using a space heater, but it just doesn't compare to the heat he gave off. The heat I was so welcome to, we cuddled so much. I miss that more than I can say.
Today at work a man came to my counter for a simple transaction, I'd never helped him before and I couldn't tell you his name now, but I remember his smell. He smelled so exactly like XH without any cologne or deodorant...just like XH. and I swear I just froze, my stomach turned over and I went white as a sheet. Something about his smell just hit me stronger than any other reminder of him to this point. It's been almost 3 months since I smelled that smell, and it just...hurt.
I want to move on so badly, almost as much as I wish this was all a dream. Either way, I just want this pain to go away, I want to stop thinking about it, being asked about him, seeing his stupid last name at the end of mine on everything, and to just erase him from my life. I want to take it all back so there's nothing to miss. I want to be okay. I don't want people to walk on eggshells around me because I'm sad. I want to be able to focus on my school and my job and be excited about my career. To have space in my head for dreaming again. I want to be done with all the legal stuff and for his poor handling of money not to be my problem anymore. I want to stop caring about him and focus on the amazing people in my life who love me so much, to be able to pray for them and lift them up without them feeling like I'm the one who needs more attention, prayer, support..or whatever they need. The mess I'm in is so distracting.
I will try to update this thing more often, it's good to get these thoughts out without dumping on a friend. I'm a pretty open person, but I sure don't want to be a burden/annoyance/bummer. It just gets hard to look at the bright side after a while, hard to see the blessings in the midst of all the pain and confusion. Posting something I'm thankful for on Facebook every day is a good nudge to really make myself appreciate the people and things in my life that I'm so blessed with. I've been in the word consistently, which is so good for my heart. Some days I'm not sure what to read or what to pray so I'm just still before the Lord. Comforted that he knows what's on my heart, and I don't have to have the words. Comforted that it's okay to cry and let myself feel what I'm going through in order to really get through it.
I've been comforted most by these scriptures.
“We who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
-Hebrews 6:18-19
"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."
-Proverbs 31:25
"18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
-Romans 8:18-39
"6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.........8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
-Deuteronomy 31:6 & 8
I meditate on these truths most often and am so comforted.
I didn't start out writing on here with any intention of another person ever reading it, but if sharing my hurt and what's been encouraging to me through it could help or show God's grace to someone else, then I think that's great :) I know both of these posts are super duper long, ramble-y and personal, and I don't really expect people to read them all or say anything.
Also, it takes forever to tell people individually what happened, and it gets pretty tiresome and depressing to me going over and over it, so maybe this platform is more efficient if my friends I don't see as much want to know what's up with my life and on my heart as of late.
I don't know... I'm okay with sharing these things because it's real. it's honest and it's what this frail life is like...messy, difficult, long and tiresome, but beautiful, and God's grace and love are so powerful through it all.
-Hannah
Saturday, September 22, 2012
shattered.
How do humans respond when they are
s h a t t e r e d ?
I mean really shattered-like stomping on glass throwing itty bitty pieces all over the floor. Like, the whole world stops and flips upside down.
When your partner, lover, supporter, biggest fan, protector, encourager, and very best friend tells you they don't want you...it's like getting the wind knocked out of you.
Betrayal is sickening, being unwanted is one of the worst hurts. Being utterly shocked and broken at the same time is totally surreal and impossible to swallow.
I've had an impossible to swallow lump in my throat for the last month. exactly one month ago my husband pulled the carpet out from under my feet. stole away our plans for the future and stomped all over our past. I am still in shock.
Who IS this man? How could he(or ANYONE for that matter) use anyone in this way? How am I supposed to respond? How do I continue? How can all these horrible things be true? How could the love of my life hurt me so deeply? Could it all really have been a lie??
I don't have the answers, and I probably won't ever make sense of it all. But I'm holding my life together, continuing to work full time and be a full time student, pay my bills and try not to cry every time something reminds me of him. Which is all day and night long.
Like: when I almost text him because someone said something funny. When I wake up and expect him to be there next to me. When someone who doesn't know asks me about him and I have to face it again. When everywhere I turn in this little town holds a memory of us together. When I can hardly bear to think of our plans for the future or the way he used to kiss me. When I stop myself mid-sentence because I don't want to interject in conversation anything that includes him because I don't want to be a bummer for other people. Whenever I think about the way he always made me feel beautiful when I certainly did not look it. The way he'd always manage to make me laugh when I didn't feel like it. The way he teased me about my driving. Or when I think of our silly, lovely little language that was just ours. The little doodles and love notes he left for me all the time. The way he really loved me.
The tears are right under the surface these days. I don't know who I am or what my life looks like here on my own.
I never thought I'd be single again. I never had a back up plan. I don't want to change my name, I don't want to change my life. I still love him. I want to hate him for how he's hurt me, but I can't. I'm worried about him, I don't want him to self destruct. I want him to want me. I want this to all be a sick joke and one of these days Ashton Kutcher will pop out of my closet and tell me I'm being punk'd.
I don't want to talk about it anymore, I want it to be over, I want to stop feeling nauseous and beaten up. I want to be myself again.
I can't process it. but I can turn up my iPod and try to let other people voice what I can't.
First,
The Hurt:
"I wish my life could be the way
it was before I saw your face.
Still tryin' to erase you from my past,
I need you gone so fast.
You stole my happy, you made me cry
took the lonely and took me for a ride.
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
and now I wanna undo it." -Carrie Underwood
"Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby?
I gave you everything, every part of me.
Did you change your mind? well I didn't change mine."
-Kellie Pickler
"Let it all out. get it all out. rip it out. remove it.
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed.
We're so scared to find out what this life's all about, so scared we're gonna lose it.
You said "I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse. If the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get there. Somewhere in me, there is strength." -Relient k
"Something's made your eyes go cold, something's gone terribly wrong, won't finish what you started.
Come on, come on-don't leave me like this,
I thought I had you figured out.
Oh, holding my breath, won't see you again.
Something keeps me holding on to nothing.
Never ever thought I'd see it break.
Can't breathe whenever you're gone-can't turn back now.
I stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had.
NO
I just know you're not gone, you can't be gone.
I can't go back, I'm haunted." -Taylor Swift
"This is how it looks when I am standing on the edge,
and this is how I b r e a k a p a r t when I finally hit the ground.
This is who I am when I don't know myself anymore,
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel anything."
-Red
"You could drag out the heartache or baby, you could make it quick-really get it over with and let me move on.
[[seriously, divorce me already if that's what you want]]
Don't concern yourself with this mess you've left for me,
I can clean it up you see just as long as your gone.
It's alright, yeah I'll be fine. Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine, just take your love and hit the road. There's nothin' you could do or say. you broke my heart anyway so just leave the pieces when you go.' -The Wreckers
The Healing:
"Who you are is not where you've been, you're still an innocent. Time turns flames to embers, you'll have new Septembers." -Taylor Swift
"HE gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear,
gladness for mourning, peace for despair.
When sorrow seems to surround you,
when suffering hangs heavy on your head,
know that tomorrow brings wholeness and healing."- Crystal Lewis
"My God's been good to me, oh God's always been good."
-Crystal Lewis
"Here I stand empty hands, wishing my wrists were bleeding to stop the pain from the beatings.
There you stand holding me, waiting for me to notice you.
You are the truth, out-screaming these lies.
You are the truth, saving my life.
The warmth of your embrace melts my frostbitten spirit.
you speak the truth and I hear it.
The words are "I love you' and I have to believe in You.
My hands are open, and you are filling them.
I worship You." -Flyleaf
"The mountain is high, I wait in the depths,
yearning for grace and hoping for peace,
Dear God, increase!
Healing hands of God, have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever. Here's my heart, let it be forever yours. Only you can make every new day seem so new."
- Five Iron Frenzy
"Come Thou fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing Thy praise.
Streams of mercy never ceasing
call for songs of loudest praise.
Praise the mount I'm fixed upon it,
mount of Thy redeeming love." -David Crowder Band version
"All this pain, I wonder if I'll ever find my way.
All this earth, could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground?
All around, hope is springing up from this old ground.
Out of chaos, life is being found in you.
You make beautiful things out of the dust,
You make beautiful things out of us.
You make me new, You are making me new." -Gungor
"I need You like a hurricane-thunder,
crashing wind and rain to tear my walls down.
I'm only Yours now.
I need You like a burning flame,
a wildfire untamed,
to burn these walls down.
I'm only Yours now.
I am Yours and you are mine.
You know far better than I,
and if destruction's what I need,
then I'll receive it Lord, from Thee.
It's Your eye in the storm watching over me,
wanting only good for me.
I am only Yours." -Jimmy Needham
"HE is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me.
I'm drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes.
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
Oh! How HE loves us!" -David Crowder Band
I am broken, hurt and stunned; but still blessed, loved and supported. That's all for now
-Hannah
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